a penny for a thought?...

why not make me rich then eh? lately my life has been so chaotic and unbelievable.

First off, I can't believe this semester is almost over, how crazy is that!!

But I don't really wanna talk about school stuff. I honestly don't know what i really wanna talk about in this blog. I just know that I need to get a few things off of my mind and chest before I sleep...

It is currently 2:18am and I am wide awake with worry, thought, creative ideas, wonderment, amazement, curiosity, pretty much everything under the sun is running through my head. Maybe it is just cause of everything that has been happening this week... hmmm lets sum this up some how....

- Boy situations suck. I need to learn to just have patience and know the big man up stairs has everything under control and knows what i need and when.
- I need a change in something in my life.
- Being a college student is rewarding, but transferring to a new university is a stressful situation.
- I wish i could tell people what I really think of them and their life. Actually I probably could but lets be honest sometimes opinions are ment to be kept to yourself.
- I have been listening to more of my highschool bands again, like New Found Glory, Blink 182, Relient K, just to name a few... but NFG has been hitting something big in me lately this is the song that I have been listening to the most.. check it out!


Coming Home- New Found Glory

- Exercising  is awesome, I need to do more of it, just not at 2 in the morning, even though I am wide awake at that time lately and I need to be more consistant with it. I think i may be reverting to do this just cause I am just personally letting myself become to over whelmed ( no good, not at all).

- I need to start taking photos again, it makes me happy, seeing the world through a lens. hello midnight walks probably...

- Stress is starting to be number 1 in my life again... I am not liking it at all. I need to kick it and quick. It is not even school stress. Can't quite pin point it yet, but it is there.

Alright I need to at least a few hours of sleep before I go into the ceramics studio.

my opinion...

I just heard some girl on CNN LIVE say she would like to see Oprah run for president??  NO NO NO... yeah it would be cool if she would buy cars for everyone in america..but what the heck. people we need to fix what we have not do what looks like the coolest thing to the rest of the world.

One of the biggest issues with all of this is Welfare...

I know a few people who abuse the system... they would rather live in subsidized housing, work and drink booze and smoke pot... GET A LIFE... people that actually need the help need the housing and support not your freeloading ass!!!!!! I work with children where their families could use it... not some 20 something year old who just doesn't want to live with mom and dad anymore... or being 25 and proud you get 600 dollars a month free from the government, just cause you have a "disorder"....


NEWS FLASH..... basically everyone in America has a "disorder"... what makes you so special??? You would be willing to give up the freedom to be able to get a driver's license  or to have a normal substantial job? I sure wouldn't that is degrading yourself. If you really want sure... go for it. but I think less of people I know who are like that, it is sick in my opinion.

Yes I am one of those people who believes people who live in section 8 living, get food stamps, SSI, etc, they should go through more screening then just filling out paperwork.  Drug testing, interviews... among other things. I hate how people can so easily cheat the system and not care about the other suffering people out there. It makes me sick to know people who do this.

Don't get me wrong I also have friends who get benefits such as food stamps that they obviously use and are responsible about, they have jobs, and are upstanding citizens, and yes they do still need help to feed their family. I am fine with them and other people like that. They are using the system in the right way. But a college student who lives in section 8 housing, using food stamps, and/or getting SSI... THAT IS SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! people in our own country and worldwide could be benefiting from that money and housing so much more than you...

OBAMA PEOPLE... you want change??? WELL START WITH YOURSELF!!!
Same goes to Romney people, if people want change they gotta start it. If all you do is talk about it. It will not get anywhere.

This is the end of my rant.
It was a close call.... Republicans in 4 years!!!

Oh Life

It has been going at full force lately, school, family, friends, everything! I can tell I am almost to the brim of what i can handle in my glass. But I am doing it! Also it is just crazy how far i am. Hopefully my last year at LSC before transferring to do my social work degree. So that is exciting.

Also I am headed back out to Montana in march. I honestly don't think anyone knows how much I love that state. It has my heart by a few pull strings and every day they tug a little bit more. My new Montana goal is... to live out there for some time in my life before I die. It is a great great state that i just love.

Anyways I just wanted to write something in here cause I haven't blogged in a while. I have some other thoughts brewing my mind, but I am going to let them sit there and mature for a bit before i bring them out. But stay tuned please. More to come for real this time! lol.

Summer 2012

Wow my updating dwindled, that is what life as a camp counselor does. Hmm let's see what is new? Well today is a day off, so obviously i have time to update this. I have been meaning to do it every day off, or over the break we had but no such luck. Time flies by when you are having fun.

Camp is so different as a counselor, but so amazing, this summer has permanently set my mind to me going into social work. I am so glad i went to work this summer. Who knows maybe i will go back next summer we will see what happens these next 6-9ish months.

I will hopefully be done with LSC this fall and finally go to University of Wisconsin Superior. I am hoping for it.

Montana has still been on my mind the whole time, and how i just want to just go and live there. Who knows i am only 23 we will see what happens in life still.

Anyways sorry for this being such a short blog but next blog will include camp pictures :-D okay okay here is a sneak preview hehe...

my cabin co's(Tinsel and Milkshake) and i(Squeaks) -

Animorph and i on Olympic Day Session 1- 

me and some of my campers from session 1 - 

Suds & Kisses

haha. the title of this blog is the name of my new favorite scent spray from Aerie. It is just a TAD ridiculous how much i love that store haha. But anyways... lets see what is new...

OH TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF CLASSES FOR THE SEMESTER!!!!!! I did it!!! just gotta take 4 finals next week. ahhhhh! but man i made it through year 3 under my belt :-D hopefully one more year at LSC then i can move on to my actual major of social work. haha.


Anyways, life has been pretty fantastic lately. school is great, friends are great, summer will be rockin. life is just fantastic yo!

My God daughter is getting so big!! I am bummed I won't be around for the summer to hang out with her but hey, I get all fall with that beautiful little girl oh and my best friend of corse bahah... Here she is....

       

Yes yes it does look like she does elf ears... she gets it from her mama apparently...  :) 

Onto another subject... hmm. Pretty sure i am still in love with this town. even though Montana has my heart too. however i am a born and raised minnesota girl. hehe. 

(left) Duluth Minnesota   (right) Bozeman Montana

can you guys now see why my heart is in two places at once? UFFDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

However I do plan to live part of my life in Montana before i die, so i am not too worried I know i will be back out there. 

Oh side story... I was waiting for my bus today, and this older man asked me for help with his cellphone. So i went along and helped him and we got to talking we are both from the cities area... he used to cut hair down the street from my house in roseville. ALSO his granddaughter goes to LSC anddddddd his son lives in Mound Minnesota were my cabin in... seriously such a small world. I am so happy to have encounters like that. It makes me cherish the smallest things in life even more. like a small conversation with a complete stranger his name was Johnny. So he automatically reminded me of my Grandpa Johnny also. :) it was probably the best part of my day...besides being done with classes ha.

What else is new??????? Ohhhhhh my friend Dan who i babysit for that i know from the LSC he gave me a free bead that he made in his glass studio it is pretty sweet i can't wait to use it!!!

yeah it is pretty rockin.

Oh also last saturday Aziza and i hung out and  we got to go to whole foods co-op and buy some groceries. man i haven't been there in forever so it was great to go and i got some yummy vegan marshmallows...they taste so much better than what they sound
like....

haha yup... they are delicious.

OHHHH i also have found a use for my old fishbowl that i was trying to get rid of before i had to move out of the dorms for the summer...... it is now my mini garden with marigolds planted. I seriously can't wait until they bloom. I am sadly dreading having to give it to my mom for the summer I am pretty sure she will kill them :( and they are only just sprouting....

I am actually surprised how fast they sprouted... i planted them well a week ago tomorrow.... and they look like this already!!! yay!!!!



Anyways enough of random little updates....well i think?? ha uffda.

I can't believe i am actually living up to my new years resolution still. but i am loving it... it is my new motto...well one of them at least....

Never regret anything i do.


It is pretty much true. I don't regret anything i have done so far this year... If i have... i came to terms with it in my own way.

here is a thought....
i have always understood friends come and go in your life... but lately it has just been more real to me..my friends who i had , like 2 years ago i hardly talk to anymore...and even just a year ago too. It just doesn't seen right in away. it is not like we had a falling out? i don't know. I know i shouldn't be worrying about it cause it happens...but it is just sudden. but if people wanna be in your life they will make ways. friendship is a 2 way street.

Anyways oh i have been growing tons of patience lately... in many areas of my life... i will not go into details.. haha. but it is true.

OH IT IS FINALLY MAY!!! only weeks until i am back at camp buckskin!!!!!!!!!! and as counselor!!! ahhh yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes! i am sooo excited. a new role a new summer..new everything! ha. it will be amazing i can tell!

lately i have gotten hints from people that they are sick of me talking about camp, but hey honestly if they had something amazing in their life i wouldn't talk bad about it, i would be happy for them...and that is how buckskin is for me. it is one amazing place to be. i have grown up so much at that place. ahhhhh BUCKSKIN! YEAR 6!!!!! :-D

Can't wait to be back with some of the best people i know in the world!

Alright i think my life is pretty much up to date in the blog now.

Time to do something awesome.. haha.

over due

Wow i haven't blogged in quite some time. Well that is what happens when life happens. haha.
Lets see what is new?

3 weeks well plus 1 week for finals. so 4 weeks left of the semester.

I finally got a counselor position at buckskin so i am putting year 6 under my belt up there. I am sooooo excited!  Here is just a view of the lake front :-D

I absolutely love this place! 6 weeks and I will be back there.YAYAYAYAYAY 

hmm what else is new? 

Oh my mom is officially a little over 4 months cancer free. 

And all registered for fall. 

I am taking... 

Ethics

Bio of Women

Alg 2

Cultural Anthropology

Beginning Yoga

i am feeling pretty good about that schedule. oh yes. hmm anyways. Life has been pretty good. working on patience though. HA people i tell ya. 

Anyways this will be short cause i should go get ready to pump out some homework. at least i got the Atmosphere channel on Pandora and sunshine and coffee to come! Happy Saturday!!! 

homework interrupted

Wow it has been a while since i wrote last it seems like, sorry about that. Life has been a non stop train lately. I had my Montana trip, and back in school right away. Hardly any time to breathe i swear.

Anyways. I am in the middle of reading an article on Iran for my World Politics class and i just kept getting thoughts in my head, of things going on lately with people in my life, and this quote just stuck out to me...

If no one can read that small print it says:

"The people who want to stay in your life will always find a way"


Lately I have been finding this so true, I understand life gets busy and things can be forgotten, however i feel like if a friendship is going to last, it will, those people will find a way to make it work. It really can't be a 1 way street of friendship, i learned that the hard way in the past.

So i guess, i am just really trying to analyze some of those dwindling friendships at the moment. We shall see where it all ends up. I always say I am going to leave it up to God, who he puts in my life, but after something happens, it seems that he puts them in our life and gives us the tools to have the friendship, and encourages us to use them. I guess we have to figure out how to use them, and it only get's harder as we get older with friendships. hmph anyways.

Montana..... It was pure amazement, I still wish i was there. MSU- Bozeman is now in my top 2 schools i  want to get into. We shall see though, I still got a year at LSC to do. Everything about Montana, and well bozeman is just so me. haha. the shops, the people ( the ones i met at least), the nature of the whole place.

Here are just some pictures from the trip....

 

The canyon road to Big Sky ^^

my dad and i, downtown Bozeman ^^

and just an amazing view of mountains and some horses, at a local creek. 

I could post more pictures, but that would be sooooo much room haha. That place seriously hold's a place in my heart. If i do not go to school or work out there, I for sure want to move out there or visit there so much more often and it sure is helpful to have family who lives out there hehe. what a great reason :) 

Anyways, life is hectic, who's isn't? Lately I have been missing home so much, it seems like the last couple times i have been home, i actually didn't visit home, it was just a stop in my trip. 2 weeks and i am going home for Easter, I can't wait to just be at my house with my parents and just enjoy life in the cities again. I sure do miss that place. The only two things that could be better about that picture could be, instead of being at my house, being at my cabin and having my brother there :) 

However, hopefully i get a chance to go see him in May in Texas. Ahh that would be awesome. That reminds me i should call him back, he called on my birthday and i never got back to him...oops haha. 

On another note, 

I am so thankful for everyone who is in my life and i get to share all the awesome things happening with. It is a true blessing, all the laughs and friendships created.. and lately i have realized my New Year's resolution is actually being met :) which was... to not have any regrets of anything. So far so true. 

hm alright i should get back to my homework. 

Til next time. 

oh life

So since my last post i have realizations...


lets start with the biggest one.....

yes i have a "Mr. Big" in my life... and i have tried to talk to him. we have both established we both miss each other. However on Sunday the message at church just really got to me. the jist i got from the talk is that don't worry about money or materials, trust in the lord to provide for you and he shall.... so while hearing that i basically thought, i would rather love God and be single, than be with someone who doesn't believe in the same things in life that i really do fight with all the time. I guess it was just God's way of telling me that there is someone out there and it is not my time to with anyone, or maybe it is and he is in the process of getting to me hehe. who knows.

Also i am aware that tomorrow is Valentines Day. i know how cliche of me it is ...but it is very annoying  reading all the "woah is me, i am single posts" , its like come on it's like any other day of the year, get over it haha. well in my opinion.

ALSO my Goddaughter Amira was born today! WOOHOO! i have only seen pictures of her so far. But i can not wait until i go to the hospital and actually meet her and get to hold her!!! i am so excited for that moment. I will post a picture of her in my next post for sure!!!

hmm. so i should finish my tea and wait and see if my cousin shall skype me..... oh yeah....
My birthday is next week YAY!!!! also.....................................

MONTANA VACATION IN 2 WEEKS <3 so so so so so so so so excited :-D

Finally February

It is here, my birthday month! nothing special just turning 23. School has started. I am a month into it so far. And i have only missed one day of classes so far. being sick sucks. that is all i basically did yesterday and today was sleep.

Anyways...

I have borrowed the whole entire series of Sex and the City from my friend amy. I am currently on season 3. I am pretty sure i have my own Mr. Big..... last 3 years... when im ready he moves on... when he is ready i don't want anything...but i think i am finally ready to see if this takes us somewhere i am just hoping   that this could be something nice? i don't know what would happen with it when i go to a different university or something who knows. but honestly i think for how much he and i have been through i owe it to give us a chance? i don't know i contemplate this all the time.

anyways. I think i have my top picks of universities picked out University of Montana Missoula , Minnesota State University Moorhead, St. Cloud State and University of Wisconsin Superior.

We shall see where i end up.

Alright here are some pictures of my life lately....

i got this rug at menards!!! how adorable it was 2 bucks! one of the best buys ever! 

 

this map project took me 12 hours of my life and weekend. i better get a good grade on it. 

and finally... photo club got sweatshirts!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOO

okay i don't know what else to talk about ... unless you want me to go on and on about my mr big...which i know you don't so i will end on this note.... 

have a good weekend.... i finally get to be upstairs for a full service :)

Nature VS Nurture

So i have been meaning to watch juno since last night which tonight i am PLANNING ON IT! it is one of my most favorite films... at the moment i am at the near end of my art appreciation homework. and i got this very random thought in my head about juno and how i feel it relates to me..

being adopted i feel like this is a story my birth parents somewhat went through, but in different ways. So when i watch it i guess i feel connected to them... is that weird? who knows. people find some pretty weird things to relate to other people with. Maybe it is just my mind wishing i knew how my birth parents were like who knows.

Don't get me wrong i love love love my parents and brother i have. But i guess being adopted you are always going to have a different feeling than what someone else would feel. ( my opinion)

I was hanging out with my best friend and another friend earlier today, and we were talking... i think i am ready to fill out paperwork to figure out where i come from. honestly just even thinking about it scares the crap out of me. However  i truly think i am ready to know them or know of them.

i would say this quote is really how i feel, i had family member once tell me that i shouldn't even think of my birth family that i should only care about the family i have now. don't get me wrong i love my family with all my heart.. but being adopted is different... i guess it can be a hard thing to verbalize.
I just want to call that someone up and give them a piece of my mind everyday. I just can't i guess all i can do is prove them wrong. I can have both worlds. But knowingly my family that has been present for the last 23 years and 9 months are the most important people to me ever in my lifetime. I just have questions i want closure to.

This is cliche to say but i truly believe that 2012 should be the year i find myself. Discover where i really come from.

Enough of my thoughts for tonight ha. Hope everyone is having a good weekend. time to finish homework.

Marchin On...

it is now 2012....that is a little nuts but it is another year to look forward to. my resolution is to not regret anything. So far i have no regrets :)

Classes started monday, 16 credits phew. The classes i have i am so excited about though...

Intro to Philosophy
Art Appreciation
Intro to Astronomy
World Politics
and well just Alg 1 ( boooo) haha.

So far these classes seem pretty awesome i am excited to get started. Trust me i am so sad not to be in the ceramic studio or photography class anymore but Montana is calling my name so that means no more fun classes ( well in moderation).

Since the new year has started i have made a huge realization about myself and just people and relationships... it is hard for me to open up to certain people.... i guess besides my family and my best friend i don't trust people knowing about me. Not sure why. probably judgement? which i know i shouldn't care if people judge me but sometimes that fear gets the best of me. hmph.

Well like i said this is a new year time to make new changes ( for the better!)... hmm time to go read some philosophy and figure out games to play for small group starting in a few weeks! yup that's right i am fun coordinator! woot woot! hehe.

wow i thought this blog would be longer...sorry guys... i just i got writers block as i started. lame sauce. i should just start doing small blogs even if that means 5 updates a week maybe? haha. who knows we shall see.